3 am thoughts

I awoke in pain, and after taking the (mild) Rx, I started to cry getting back in bed. I guess it is good to mourn. I want to be joyful in the Lord but I know the bible also says there is a time to mourn. It is so important to me not to be going through the motions but to really live the life He wants me to live. That means dealing with the things that seem painful because I cannot see the outcome. These are the times when I have to trust him the most.
As I laid there, Matt holding me and trying to soothe me, I thought of the 3900 women in the U.S. that would get up in the morning to go have an elective abortion of a living child. Thanks to our great legislature they can do this at a variety of months and stages. If my baby were alive it would be kicking and tumbling around joyously (despite that it would not be felt yet). It would be blinking its eyes and stretching its limbs. For 3900 of such babies today, they will be yanked from their safe womb, torn to pieces. Some will be late term and will be 'born' alive, but then killed in the name of giving a woman the choice. I prayed for those women. Maybe one will change her mind, but then another will probably step into her place. I wished I could go stand out front and change someone's mind. Where would I stand? What would I say? I don't feel like I can make a difference other than to pray. I know prayer changes things.
So we wait to see which prayers the Lord has in mind already as a plan for us. Psalm 139 says my days are already laid out. And he promises to be with me no matter if I try to hide. I feel like hiding because I hurt. But he is with me. And he will be with the woman who calls out to him, confessing her sin and asking him to take over her life. He can heal that pain from her decision. Yes, prayer is a powerful thing.

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

-Matthew West, Motions

With Matthew West, 3rd time meeting, 4th time seeing in concert. Amazing Christian Leader and inspiration.