Sowing the Seeds

In Virginia one year I planted marigolds, and collected a ton of seeds as the season waned. I started saving the seeds annually, to replant the following year. Sometimes I started out too soon in dispersing the seeds. I would scatter what seemed to be hundreds but no seedling would emerge. I would reapply seeds later in the season. By the end of summer I was again collecting seeds from lavishly flowered plants. I brought plenty of seeds to NC and last year we had a few "Virginia Marigolds." But this year I wonder about my marigolds. I have scattered what seems like hundreds of seeds and I see only a few scattered seedlings. I water with Miracle Grow, but it seems they just are not responding. I suspect the red clay and have laid down dirt, but I am not sure it will help. I purchased additional seeds to try to encourage some more growth, but I just do not see much result.

Scripture speaks many times of the process of sowing. I think the Lord is trying to convey something that my mind has not quite grasped. It almost penetrates my mind with clarity... Perhaps it is the futility of our efforts- how it is all truly up to the Lord.
Lev 26:16 warns a man, "...you shall sow your seed uselessly..." (God is in control)
Matt 6:25-26 answers "...do not be worried about your life...look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow...yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not worth more than they?"
Ecc. 11 (read it) says "He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the path of the wind or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you do not understand the work of God, the maker of all things..."
I think this means that those who try to orchestrate the successes of their lives, if they had that control, they would watch and worry and try to plan things out so perfectly they would miss the bigger picture, the greater joys. How much greater our peace if we but trust the author of all creation!
The bible study I am doing (a dear gift from a friend, titled, A Pregnancy Loss Bible Study) asked me to write how I have experienced comfort in my time of loss.
Unlike when Noah died in 2001, I did not turn from the Lord this time. We gave Him the glory and offered immediate testimony of trusting in Him. But unlike when my precious daughter-cat died four months after I gave God my life, I felt no physical comfort in these past weeks. My mind has dredged up verses and the understanding of the context. I stand firm in trusting Him, having the hindsight of what the alternative looks like. To abandon my faith only magnifies the pain to an unsurvivable level. It would mean more loss than that of my recent child's earthly experiences. It would mean also losing Noah, Lucy, Jesus and everyone and everything for all of eternity.
I already know I cannot run my own life. According to Psalm 139 these days were already written- so why would I want to face such pain without the peace and comfort of my Lord, Savior, Best Friend? I don't feel a sense of physical comfort surround me but I have a deeper comfort, a peace and surrender that passes understanding. I no longer have to "watch the sky" and try to control the future. It's His future. I am but the dirt; it is up to Him to sow those seeds.