I found out one way to get your husband to really get motivated and help take down Christmas decorations is to keep posing the kids under the tree! We re-enacted Christmas until the babies were tired of the tree. They may be traumatized I am not sure. It was a lot of fun for me to keep playing Christmas after December was such a whirlwind since mother left for heaven.
Some gifts were yet to be opened, so why not?!
We should really have that spirit all year, right?
So I had this gift for mom, unopened. I decided what better way to get it over with than to let the boys play in the paper. I carefully untaped it and let them feel and hear the crinkle of giftwrap.
Well it was a nice way to get through the initial stage of grief. In all, I have been thinking a lot about the fact that 5 years ago December 15 I asked Christ to take over my life. I didn't have anything to offer, so it is not like I can say "I gave Him my life" meaning it was some sacrifice on my part. Really, it never is a gift or sacrifice from us to Him. Many people think they would be giving something up...the Bible says whoever wants to find life- eternal life or life worth living- must give up his life and follow Him...
so we think we must really have to give up a lot. What we give up is selfishness, anxiety, pride, faithlessness, hopelessness, pain... I could go on and on.
As the anniversary of my commitment approached I thought about what I have "given up," thinking how I had scraps for a life and the Lord made it into a tapestry. Just looking at this handful of glorious photos I can see the glorious beauty he has transformed my life into! But my tapestry tore on December 4, 2010 when we got my father's call that mom had died of a sudden fatal heart attack that morning. She died in spite of the presence of paramedics!
My life is still amazing. I look at the boys and at my loving, faithful husband who also serves our Lord and I am humbled beyond belief. But what breaks my heart is to realize what a sham I am. Someone once said 'the church is full of hypocrites' - and I am the chiefest among them. We all are, actually.
It is a beautiful thing to realize but heart wrenching too. Where there was satisfaction, there is humility and regret. When I could have been more loving, more patient, more forgiving, I chose pride and selfishness. I took back part of my life when I should have had the spirit of Christ.
It isn't easy to bang this out on a public forum such as a blog. But our lives should glorify Christ and the only way I know to try to move past my grief is to try, like when our daughter Hope died, to let it bring glory to God.
Yes, I belong to Christ. Yes, I gave Him everything...
but we have to keep giving it because our human nature is to take it back.
I don't want my life. I sure cannot run it on my own! None of us can. We may pretend, but in truth we are all lost sinners in need of our Shepherd.
May we all together serve Him through the ages. May we all daily take up our journey to a truthful relationship with Him.Happy New Year! What a blessed year we have ahead!
Wendy- the card was lovely and the children so beautiful. I KNOW that Pat is looking down from heaven and she is beaming. She loved you sooo much and was very proud of you. I don't think I ever had a conversation that she didn't speak of you, and even when things were tense she never spoke negatively, only that like you she desired a better relationship. She (like you) was a VERY strong woman who endured many constant trials and yet she NEVER stopped believing God!! I miss her greatly and find that I grieve more than I ever have over a passing. I know she was ready and I know she looked forward to Heaven. I know she nows sits at the banquet table and has joy and health and no more tears. So I am overjoyed for her, but grieve the loss of a friend that was also on a journey of longsuffering and spiritual growth and kept the faith. I believed that she and I would overcome in this lifetime and know the other gifts from God (Peace, Joy, Hope, etc.)Wonder how God picks who gets the longsuffering gift? I believed God was going to bless me (and my family) with health and that Pat was on this journey out of Egypt with me. I believed...... So I thought We would see it here on earth, and soon. I must say this has been a challenge to my faith and my hope. I have been encouraged by your journey through the wilderness and the humility and realness that you have brought out with you. Always stay real- it is a beautiful trait that has become rare in churches. Your family IS a beautiful tapestry and your desert experience has only added more texture and variety. Use the challenges that you have encountered to encourage others that follow. Don't ever be ashamed of where you been, but be excited about God's plan to use it for his Glory. I know God will use you to nurture and encourage other sojourners in the same way your mother did for me. She was, is, and will always be proud of you! May God Bless you always!!
ReplyDelete--Love Kristen
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to send me note in regards to my daughter Katie. That was so kind of you. I am so happy things are going well with you and your family. Your boys are so sweet!
Many blessings to you,
Barbara Bradley, mom to Katie
barbara.bradley285@yahoo.com