Hope that does not ever end

Psalm 139:7-10
...if I make my bed in the depths, you are there...





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiBNkZHOBI8


"...It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do..." (Kutless)

This past year there have been two families that captivated my attention although we have never met. I only heard of their tragedy and was able to obtain an address to send a card... but they stay on my mind and in my prayers. Their babies were stillborn or died shortly after birth. Physical arms that cannot reach out hope that spiritual arms can. I pray the Lord will make Himself as real to them, to others, as He has shown himself to me. Five and a half years ago seems like another lifetime. It was another lifetime, for somehow I have crossed a span of universe into another world where dreams and hopes come true.
I had settled into the depths of the sea... like Jonah I was sitting in the acidic, dark, stench filled belly of a whale. My whale was the image of a future I had wanted to live that wasn't happening. It was the overwhelming sense of failure, defeat, depression. Nothing seemed able to lift me from the mire. At the bottom of the ocean there is no light, no sense of time, there is a pressure like a tea kettle that whistles but no one can hear. And so I sat.
Jonah took 4 days sitting there in the physical realm of misery. He literally breathed in the foulness of his wrong choices and sat soaked in the gross aftermath of the direction he should not have taken. I took a lot longer it seems to me.
But . When I finally listened to that still small whisper it was undeniable that the only choice left was to give my life to Him. I had scraps and did not think there was any possibility of the hopes and dreams I longed for to ever come true. "Give it to Me..." said the great I Am. I unclenched my hand and in utter defeat dropped the nasty, foul smelling dreams I had choked the life out of into his outstretched hand. December 15, 2005.
In March 2009 we learned our dream, a miracle, was coming to reality. We were pregnant. Our marriage had come a long way into the light and we had been trying to have a baby. We had given everything to God in 2005, taken steps out of complete faith every day since then, and trusted him completely... so with resounding joy we watched what we thought was the reward of being within His plan unfold further. Then the 2nd ultrasound revealed the baby had died. She just sat there, clinging to the wall of my womb like I had clung to these dreams so long ago. Devastated 6 weeks passed with me sinking back toward those depths. But would Satan win? No!! I heard Rescue Me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRsUGccqFVA)on my cd player and fell to my knees, giving my life to Christ once again. As everything washed out of me in tears of release I knew His spirit would fill me further, carry me higher than hinds feet on high places. (2 Samuel 22:34 "He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me on my high places.")
Three months later we 'tried again' (2nd IVF, with 2 frozen embryos). With excitement and complete trust in the creator of life and author of our days we watched miracles unfold and finally held our precious sons in June 2010.
Its hard to watch someone else's dreams come true when you are sitting at the bottom of the ocean. As a matter of fact, visibility down there isn't very good. Stuff floating in the dense water makes it impossible to focus beyond your outstretched hand, even if you have some kind of lantern. Let me invite you into the true light, the only way to see through the depths of this life. Satan wants us to sit and wallow in our grief, in our disappointments, in our heartbreak.
Jesus wants to lift us up, heal our wounds, carry us over the coals and bring us to a better place. He gives us his oxygen so that we can make it back to the water where life is. He swims us up, though in our own strength we are too weary to do anything but sit there. He makes miracles where we thought nothing but brokenness could live.
How do we get there from here? Trust. How do we start? Ask. John 14:6 says "Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
There is no other way, though the world offers all kinds of alternatives there is only one truth. Like red can come in all kinds of shades, but there is still just one red. There are no shades to Christ. There is only One. Matthew 7:7-11 says "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"
That still small voice of hope inside you isn't a lie. It's the holy Spirit promising you a richer, more fulfilling life. Most importantly He promises that in him (and Only in Him) there is reunion with our babies. In 2 Samuel 12:23 David responds regarding the death of his baby, "But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." Only in Christ can we have this reunion. We have complete reconciliation with Christ himself and with other loved ones who truly trusted in Him as Savior. So again, how do we get there from here? Ask, pray that He will reveal himself in every way to you. Ask that he forgive you for your disbelief, your blindness, your "sins" (we all are sinners). Ask Him to come into your heart, cold and dead though it may feel. Ask Him to show you hope, to show you peace, to show you life. We don't see those things down in the depths. We don't see them sitting in the belly of a whale. But like he opened the eyes of many a blind man in the New Testament, he will open your eyes as you take that step and call out to him. Then he will build your faith, build your life. He will take ashes and make memories.
He will take hope that seems lost and build it to a resounding chorus of Amen! Why? Because he seeks to bring glory out of your life, to make himself visible to others so that they too may see. Just Ask, then Trust. Then grow. Find a true bible preaching church where you will be fed and nourished so that the darkness cannot find a foothold. Sometimes the storms don't cease just because we found an inlet to ride it out in. Sometimes our ships are shattered before we see the Sonrise we long for. But start and watch where He takes you.
I'll be praying for you. And in the end, when Hope is crowned with Glory we will see each other and be known and embrace in Him, singing His praise for all He has done and all He is. He is incredible. How I long for you to know him!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUzDOGzABSM


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
http://www.trinityurcvisalia.com/sermons/hosea05v03-04.html
http://www.lakenormanbaptist.com/2011/09/08/september-4-2011-not-now-maybe-later/